A RELATIONAL APPROACH

Relational psychotherapy, in theoretical terms, is an approach to psychotherapy that brings together branches of various schools of thought: psychodynamic, object relations, self psychology, intersubjective, humanistic and feminist. But, in practice, what does that really mean?

As a relational psychotherapist, I will pay close attention to your experience of relationships with other people and the one between us, as it develops. Much of our discussion will focus on your most significant relationships (intimate partners, family, friends, professional) including what may be emerging between us, as client and therapist. Our attention will continually be drawn to your "organizing principles" - the ways in which you organize your experiences, the meanings that you give to things that happen in relationships and the fundamental belief system that you have about yourself and how things transpire between you and others.

I will encourage you to reflect and actively inquire of yourself what you feel are the relational patterns you experience in your life. I like to know how you grew up in your family and how you learned, from an early age, to be in connection (or disconnection) with others. Together, we look at how your current and past relationships make you feel about yourself and your life.

In building a relational narrative for yourself, questions that we will explore together will be along the lines of:

*How am I affected today by the way I experienced my family relationships as a child? *What needs am I trying to have met in my adult relationships that are actually older, unmet needs from childhood? *Why does a familiar pattern keep appearing in my adult relationships? *What feedback do I get from people who I am in relationships with? *What common assumptions do I make in my relationships that seem to cause problems for me?

AN EXISTENTIAL APPROACH

The relational realm of self-with-other and the individual realm of self-with-self are always unfolding in an existential context, posing dilemmas and challenges that often demand to be examined. By "existential", we are referring to the very essence of being alive, of existing as a breathing, thinking, feeling human entity who is always, in every living moment, in some form of relationship to the world.

In daily existence, we are called upon to be there for and with others, but we also have a calling to ourselves. The tension between these human responsibilities often creates a deep sense of anxiety - the kind that can raise a pressing need for self reflection and rigorous questioning.

In an existential context, my role is to help you by posing questions to you, inquiring of how you are - or are not - your "true" authentic self in your daily life. I will actively engage with you as you ask of yourself how and who you are in the different parts of your life - and if this contains or lacks a desirable level of authenticity for you. Exploration that you generate in the therapy process is continued in your lived experience between sessions, through an emotional mindfulness and ongoing personal introspection. Over time, we will explore together what you are noticing about yourself and your experience in the world, with increased awareness.

Not all clients delve into this particular kind of questioning, but to the extent that these existential issues are at the forefront, I will share in this exploration with you. Existential questions that you may ponder in therapy could include:

*What is my purpose in being here and what kind of meaning do I derive from living my life? *What fundamental personal and moral responsibility do I have to myself and to others? *To what extent am I a free and autonomous being? *If I am surrounded by people who love me, why do I feel so alone, unable to bridge the gaps? *How do I feel about my mortality, the fact that one day I will no longer be alive? *What do I want to fulfill in this lifetime?

Bringing together the relational and existential elements of life, in therapy, is an effective way of helping you to find an authentic way of being in the world, honouring both your own wants and needs for yourself and your connections with and responsibilities to others.